Weeks 15-22: Telling Work about T-Rex, Free Pregnancy Advice, and Baby's First Kick!

We went in and told work about the pregnancy at week 19.  Because I had started working at my school, it’s illegal to fire me for being pregnant; although I was still nervous they might be angry.  However, everything went very well.  Everyone was very happy for us and congratulated us, although there were some funny looks when we mentioned the due date, October 25th.  My work asked me not to tell my schools yet because they will call the Board of Education first and let them know what’s going on and explain that they will organize a substitute for my three months of maternity leave.  So I haven’t told anyone at my school yet, though I have stopped dressing in ways that will hide my growing belly.  My first two days of work, I wore all black, vertical stripes, bright necklaces, anything to draw attention to my face, and keep attention from my belly.  I don’t think I needed to worry so much.  I haven’t hidden my fat tummy for days and no one has looked at me funny or asked me about it.  I guess if I look at it objectively, I can see how it just looks like I had a big lunch...sort of. 

 

I recently told a Japanese friend about my pregnancy and when I noticed her surprise, I asked her, “But, didn’t you notice my growing stomach?”  Her response was, “Well, no!  If I thought a fat tummy meant someone was pregnant, then I would just have to assume all foreigners are pregnant!”  She was joking (mostly), but I thought it was really funny and I’m pretty sure that’s what is going on at my school.  So far I’ve only gained about 2 pounds, but I don’t know how that happened because I feel like I have quite a bump.  I can’t button my normal pants anymore, so I either leave them unzipped with a belly band over them or wear the maternity pants my mom sent me from the states.  Maternity shopping in Japan is ridiculous.  As a general rule, I hate shopping.  Add to the mix that clothes are three times what they would cost in the states, that I don’t speak the language very well, the XL sizes are usually too small (I'm a M in the states) and it makes for a miserable shopping experience.  The maternity clothes I've found at the various malls are usually these filmy, boxy, tops and then short shorts.  My mother-law said she’ll send me some clothes and my mom, dad, and sister-in-law have already sent a box of all types of summer maternity clothes that I've been loving.

How are Japanese people reacting to my pregnancy?  Well, as I just wrote, it’s not yet obvious whether I’m pregnant or chubby, so I can’t say how strangers or neighbors will react just yet.  As far as people who do know, it’s a little frustrating.  I’m a very independent person.  I don’t like being told what to do.  My husband and I both joke sometimes that we both have oppositional defiance disorder.  Being told that we absolutely must do something a certain way is the best way to get us to do it differently.  On top of that, Jon and I have both been very careful about this pregnancy.  We planned to get pregnant, so I haven’t drunk any alcohol from the very start; I take my vitamins and eat healthy fresh veggies, fruits, and whole grains.  I stopped rock climbing at 10 weeks, and we never miss a doctor appointment.  We researched all the fish that are high in mercury and I even stopped drinking coffee.   So, when someone tries to boss me around and tell me how to act as a pregnant lady, I get really peeved. 

The first time this happened was when I was playing around with some little three year old boys that I teach English to.  I picked one of them up and immediately got attacked by six parents shouting that I shouldn’t pick up anything heavy...ever.  For nine months I’m supposed to just let my muscles atrophy, I guess.  This has happened many times since then, moving tables that hardly weigh more than 8 pounds, carrying groceries from the store, etc. etc. etc.  I’m sick to death of assuring people that I can still ride my bike safely.  I don’t need people telling me I need to hold the hand rail when I go up and down stairs.  If there happens to be someone smoking within a 15 foot radius, I don’t need anyone going over there and telling them they need to put it out because I’m pregnant and I don’t need to leave and go home lest I breathe a whiff of diluted smoke.  And I especially don’t need the comments asking why I'm coming back to work after my maternity leave is up. Don't I want to be a good mother and stay home with the baby?

It’s hard in a different way for Jon too.  Jon loves helping me.  He would carry all the heavy things all the time if I let him.  However, I’ve always insisted on carrying my fair share, whether we’re camping and hiking across the Great Wall of China, or carrying food home from the grocery store.  Especially now that I’m pregnant, I want to stay strong.  I know that exercise is good for me and the baby and I know that labor takes a lot of muscle power, so I am trying to stay as active as I can.  However, people tend to look askance at Jon when they see me with a heavy backpack, and I imagine it will only get worse once I obviously have a baby inside me.  So, Jon gets hit on two sides.  He wants to help me, but I won’t let him, and then he gets looks and comments from strangers insinuating that he isn’t a very good husband, when in fact he's the best husband.

Our friends and acquaintances have started to realize how Jon and I do things and I’ve let them all know that I plan to ride my bike to the hospital when it’s time to have T-Rex, so they have relaxed a little bit about it—or at least stopped making comments about it.  (I don’t actually plan to ride my bike to the hospital in the midst of contractions.  We live close enough that we’ll either walk or take a taxi.)  However, I imagine that as it gets more obvious that I’m pregnant, we’ll start getting more comments from strangers or nosy neighbors.  I don’t know how pervasive these sorts of things would be in the states, as I’ve never been pregnant there.  

The other day Jon got to feel T-Rex kicking through my belly muscles and it was a really special experience. I'm glad that he is now able to feel the baby move, although now he has the same worries I have been having every day, "Wait, it's been almost five hours since we felt him/her move...is he/she ok?"  The very next day I was looking at my stomach and T-Rex gave a mighty kick, making my belly bulge out about an inch.  It was not special or sweet and I didn’t rub my tummy or smile about our future soccer player.  Instead, I sat down quickly because I almost fainted.  My first thought was not of the precious bundle of life inside me, it was of the X-Files episode we had recently watched where the alien rips its way out of the man’s torso. And then goes on a killing spree.  Having a growing baby inside you with weird.