Saturday, August 23, 2008

Liar Liar

I was driving from Wyoming to Wisconsin a few weeks ago and had an instant craving for a tuna sub from Subway. I heard on the radio that there was a Subway in Chamberlain South Dakota and immediately made plans to stop there. I had been driving since five the previous evening, with a six hour sleep break in Gillette, Wyoming. It was now two in the afternoon the next day. I pulled into town and started driving around. The town was set up all weird with one way streets and dead end roads right in the middle of the town. At one point I spun a U-turn and decided to head back the way I had come. I noticed some stupid Chevy following me really closely as I stopped at a stop light. I signaled right, realized that was headed towards a bridge, decided to go straight, then decided that left was the way to go, because I saw the (hooray!) Subway sign. That stupid Chevy kept following me and I noticed that the song I was listening to on the radio had had this strange background beat, it was really annoying.
Stupid Chevy continued to follow me as I jerked quickly to the left and headed towards Subway. By now, the background sound was starting to get a little confusing, the song was finished, and that stupid Chevy was still right on my bumper. I flipped off the radio and heard the siren, then I tilted the rear-view mirror up and saw the police logo on the "stupid Chevy SUV."
I started cursing and pulled over. As soon as the officer came up to the window, I started talking, "Sorry! Radio! All I wanted was a five dollar foot-long! The radio said Chamberlain had a Subway! Blabber! I'm charming and harmless!" I handed over my license and denied I had anything illegal in the car as he took in my unorganized mess of clothes, sleeping bag, guitar, lariat, and so forth spilling from the backseat. Th officer asked if I knew why he had pulled me over and I told him I assumed it was because of the little confusion about whether to turn right, go straight, or left, and the little absence of signaling, and/or being in the correct turning lane. He shook his head and said, "Among other things." It was like the scene from Liar Liar, "You flipped a U-turn, speeding, improper lane change, lane change without signaling...." At this point I groaned and said, "Oh no," in hopes of sounding contrite, but it just came out like, "Oh crap, you've been following me for a long time, I didn't know you saw all that." He walked away and I texted a friend this quote, "I just got pulled over because I'm a moron." Then continued moaning, but this time inwardly about how the stupid five dollar foot-long was no doubt going to change to a three-hundred dollar foot-long.
The officer came back and gave me a warning and directions to Subway. He also gave me some tips about South Dakota laws, for example, you can't do a U-Turn if another vehicle is within 500 feet. I think he felt I could also assume that speeding was also illegal. But I still got that that warning and I didn't even have to moan about being a poor college student! Hooray!


M. Paul Bailey said...

I'm glad you wrote about this. I had forgotten to ask you about this after receiving the text message.

Tricia and Michael said...

That's funny, i can just picture the 'unpaid parking tickets' billowing from your glove box :) we were pulled over a few months ago- i was scared the cop was going to get us for not having texas plates/DL (which we STILL don't have-oops) we also got a warning - but before we did the cop came up to us and proceeded to ask us what the gas milage was on our car. He and his wife were thinking of buying an altima and wanted to know how we liked our car. it was hilarious. just thought i'd share.